Wednesday, February 8, 2012
pms you're a bitch
everything irritates me today, like depressively, psychotically, IRRITATES me. can't wait to say hey ohia! see ya never!
Friday, May 6, 2011
mom, you're rad
thanks for teaching me to:
put everyone's needs before my own
intolerance for cheerleaders, adult people with baby personas, and country music
have a testimony
keep a flower garden
do a grapevine
put everyone's needs before my own
intolerance for cheerleaders, adult people with baby personas, and country music
have a testimony
keep a flower garden
do a grapevine
Monday, May 2, 2011
everyday seems the same:
wake up with a small beasts paws pressed into my side
ew, is that my side? i better go to the gym today
do everything BUT go to the gym
walk to the coffee shop with the intention to buy coffee then having an inward freudian struggle over why not to buy the coffee, but wanting the coffee really badly and ultimately 2 out of 7 of the times buying the coffee
read a book for 10 minutes but not concentrate
get up and move away from the evil necessity to concentrate
attempt some pilates moves, give up
put on my xxl red roof inn top with a any of my 3 pairs of work pants too small for me to even button
remember i was meant to go to the gym and i'm outrageoulsy fat
eat a handful of chocolate chips
sigh
get into my car and listen to the same radio station predicting the same songs to be played in teh same succession
feel guilty about being at work while my dog is at home
rediscover over and over how irritating the general public is and feel completely disconnected from the world
go home and surf the same 3 websites
lay down and think the most anxious and uncomfortable thoughts
wake up 5-7 hours later
do it again.
wake up with a small beasts paws pressed into my side
ew, is that my side? i better go to the gym today
do everything BUT go to the gym
walk to the coffee shop with the intention to buy coffee then having an inward freudian struggle over why not to buy the coffee, but wanting the coffee really badly and ultimately 2 out of 7 of the times buying the coffee
read a book for 10 minutes but not concentrate
get up and move away from the evil necessity to concentrate
attempt some pilates moves, give up
put on my xxl red roof inn top with a any of my 3 pairs of work pants too small for me to even button
remember i was meant to go to the gym and i'm outrageoulsy fat
eat a handful of chocolate chips
sigh
get into my car and listen to the same radio station predicting the same songs to be played in teh same succession
feel guilty about being at work while my dog is at home
rediscover over and over how irritating the general public is and feel completely disconnected from the world
go home and surf the same 3 websites
lay down and think the most anxious and uncomfortable thoughts
wake up 5-7 hours later
do it again.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
crisis
recently, i've heavily contemplated deleting this pathetic blog after reading so man inspirational blogs of friends or accquaintences that lead more glamorous lives than mine, that are more photogenic, more self-confident, that are certainly more articulate, more creative, and wittier, but then just as i was poised over the delete button, i reconsidered. all of my life i have been comparing myself to what i want so badly to be- anyone but me, anyone but this sickly, obsessively, genuinely self loathing girl who has never met her own standards in any regard. ever. and what i want is to post this on my blog and to not have anyone read it, to just have an intimate space for me to dump and contrive my thoughts without the pressure of moulding them into an aesthetically pleasing format, because lets face it, i've never been good at anything aesthetically pleasing, and i hope to hell that no one reads this, but i hope to hell if they do they somewhat understand this insatiable desire. the desire not to always be deleting and hiding, frantically searching for some serenity or some emotional balance which never comes, and only compels me to delete, retreat, and disappear further striving for the unobtainable. if that makes any sense? but then to hell with sense, i'm continually self contradicting. my life is an unnecessary crisis and its tiring.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Sunshine
I miss this with all my heart. I want my girls, I want the sunshine, yeah, and I want the top, botht he basket and the contents.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Why?
FOREVER my Boss-ton. Little Rousseau you're the best thing that ever happedend to me. I love you more than anything in this universe. I miss you so unbelievably much, I can't even begin to realize what my life is going to be with out your little body, your little arm hugs and snout kisses, taking up my bed and getting me through everyday, good god you were the most beloved dog and I miss your prancing feet and knotted little tail. you were the most beautiful animal ever to live. I love you, I love you, I love you more than anything. You had me hooked since the first day I saw you, you chose me and I chose you. How am I supposed to go on without you? I can't eat, I can't sleep I'm too heartbroke to function. I'm so sorry, I'm so so sorry little pumpkin. Stay warm, stay safe my little bug.... show them you're the boss. I hope I really will see you again. I couldn't live thinking otherwise. XOXOXOX I wish I could kiss your little face everyday.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Sleep Deprived
Yesterday it snowed. I can't believe how fast time is flying by, last night at Kara's Jared asked what the date was and I told him it was the 11th, oh wait, nevermind its the 12th, um, too bad yesterday was the 15th. Shoooo man. It was great to be inside looking out and seeing the snow fall yesterday. Emma and I went to breakfast with Rousseau, Kate, and Keri at Provo bakery. We ate far too many donuts. Yesterday I was complaining that my hot chocolate was watery and Emma informed me that it was because most people used milk, what? I'd never heard of putting milk in the mircrowave gross right? Wrong! Silk Very Vanilla Soymilk in the microwave = delicious. Try it....
In other news, I had to share my twin with a sprawling little snoring somebody, that kicked me out of my bed numerous times.....help?
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
silent suffering.
one time i was riding my bike up that enormous hill near walmart in orem rocking that bitch back and forth to get it up the hill with my feet in the brackets and then, before i knew it, my feet were still in those brackets and my bike was crashing towards the ground as i frantically scrambled to free myself resulting in the above abrasions and several cars honking in support?
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Dear Journal:
So this semester is moving along far, far, far, too quickly. I feel like I’m standing on the side of the road watching my life whiz by without me, uhm, “hey life heeeeey!?” remember me? You’re leaving me out of all of your decision making, you’re running the program without consultation, I don’t know what you’re doing and its hurting my head, also my heart. People can be the best blessing, or the most awful part of life. Just me, being a dramatic joke-maker, only not joking, heh, heh....
Basically, I couldn’t study because I have a lot of things in my head, so I vomited them out on here and sent them to you. Don’t think I’m weird, don’t not be friend anymore pleasssse. Come to Maestro’s and drink hot chocolate with me and Erin. Actually, no thanks Maestro’s your hot chocolate is cold and additionally, has a strong resemblence to Swiss Miss. Erin got a really cute apartment across from Key bank down by Smitty’s in the upstairs of one of those old Victorian houses, it’s really neat, lots of cool architecture in there and the windows are shaped in like arabic terrets and it has these wonderful walls of strange proportions. I’m happy for her, she is so cute when she is happy and looks like a little Asian lady in her brown trench coat who smiles too much, and laughs so much. Abi got a minivan, oh yes, 7 passengers, me, Brock, Erin, Kiren, Brooklyn = rave in an Odyssey.
In other news, Kara and I went to DI in Sugarhouse on Saturday and its three-stories, and we got the best purchases of 2009, floral dresses, a jazzy cardigan with gold decal, plenty of sweaters and shirts with shoulder pads, loafers, headbands, endless supplies of cheap outcast clothing that needed some TLC, I felt like Madonna going to Africa and picking her next orphan to adopt.
Today was pathetic. I came home from school and slept for four hours and my to do list keeps growing exponentially, and I sit, and watch it grow, while downing handfuls of trail mix and energy drinks and far surpassing the daily caloric limits that any human being should be consuming, and facebook, well I don’t believe in terrorism, but if I did, it was the best invention to melt the minds and sap the productivity of our nation. I'm tired of the library. I'm tired of looking up and having that girl whose eyes are almost glued shut due to an over application of mascara looking at me. I'm tired of the guy to the right in with his giant class ring incessantly referring to his lady as "Babe" we get it you have a girlfriend, and an aeropostle polo shirt, not could you please remove yourself from my vicinity? But perhaps most seriously, is this guy on my left with the painfully, awful, music taste, who is now unabashadly singing with his eyes closed along to the strums of the acoustic guitar and enjoying far too openly the soothingly rasp voice of none other than Nickelback blasting from his headphones. Stop grunting. I want to bust your f-ing face in. Perhaps one of my least favorite things about BYU is how so many people feel it socially acceptable, and are downright far too comfortable with breaking out into deep and passionate song while in the course of walking across campus, whether hymn or mainstream, full on-belting, eyes closed, feelin' it, feelin' it real hard. Second only, to the public maker-outers of course. School is such a funny institution that produces so many funny sensations. Best news of 2009 thus far: Brock bought a Technitronic cassette tape at DI for 25 cents that has produced more sweating, fist pumping action than even my shadow box class at the gym. Don’t remember Technitronic? Let me refresh your memory, Move that Body, Pump the Jam anyone? Fingers snapping, toe tapping, hand clapping, mouth rapping: rapture, sheer ecstasy I tell you. Recently my favorite apparel is a pair of leggings that I brought back from home, don’t even worry that they’re from 5th grade, gap kids circa 1998. I like old things, I like doing things to feel little again. I like particularly the amount of dancing that has exploded in the house due to the Emma Gilman factor, my acquiring a computer, and well Shakira’s new hit “She Wolf in the Closet.”
Our downstairs neighbors are becoming hoarders. She works at a pet store and every time I see her she has new dogs and is acquiring more, and their apartment smells really, really, foul but the canines are wonderful as all canines are. I’ve made peace with Freida and she is actually my favorite, ya know which one I’m talking about? The bulky little black and white one? She has this rubber pacifier that she always drops at my feet. Those dogs make me so happy. I want a dog more than anything and don’t know how much longer I can resist getting one. No-one in your life will ever love you more than a dog. True fact.
Well, wow, this is beginning to be a product of yet another mind spill. All over the place, what a disaster! Grab the bounty this mess makes absolutely no sense and will require the highest grade of absorbency to soak it up! Good thing a wet bounty paper towel can support a bowling ball. True fact, I even saw them test it once on the local news. I’m hungry. The end.Love, Madalyn Josephine Lynch
So this semester is moving along far, far, far, too quickly. I feel like I’m standing on the side of the road watching my life whiz by without me, uhm, “hey life heeeeey!?” remember me? You’re leaving me out of all of your decision making, you’re running the program without consultation, I don’t know what you’re doing and its hurting my head, also my heart. People can be the best blessing, or the most awful part of life. Just me, being a dramatic joke-maker, only not joking, heh, heh....
Basically, I couldn’t study because I have a lot of things in my head, so I vomited them out on here and sent them to you. Don’t think I’m weird, don’t not be friend anymore pleasssse. Come to Maestro’s and drink hot chocolate with me and Erin. Actually, no thanks Maestro’s your hot chocolate is cold and additionally, has a strong resemblence to Swiss Miss. Erin got a really cute apartment across from Key bank down by Smitty’s in the upstairs of one of those old Victorian houses, it’s really neat, lots of cool architecture in there and the windows are shaped in like arabic terrets and it has these wonderful walls of strange proportions. I’m happy for her, she is so cute when she is happy and looks like a little Asian lady in her brown trench coat who smiles too much, and laughs so much. Abi got a minivan, oh yes, 7 passengers, me, Brock, Erin, Kiren, Brooklyn = rave in an Odyssey.
In other news, Kara and I went to DI in Sugarhouse on Saturday and its three-stories, and we got the best purchases of 2009, floral dresses, a jazzy cardigan with gold decal, plenty of sweaters and shirts with shoulder pads, loafers, headbands, endless supplies of cheap outcast clothing that needed some TLC, I felt like Madonna going to Africa and picking her next orphan to adopt.
Today was pathetic. I came home from school and slept for four hours and my to do list keeps growing exponentially, and I sit, and watch it grow, while downing handfuls of trail mix and energy drinks and far surpassing the daily caloric limits that any human being should be consuming, and facebook, well I don’t believe in terrorism, but if I did, it was the best invention to melt the minds and sap the productivity of our nation. I'm tired of the library. I'm tired of looking up and having that girl whose eyes are almost glued shut due to an over application of mascara looking at me. I'm tired of the guy to the right in with his giant class ring incessantly referring to his lady as "Babe" we get it you have a girlfriend, and an aeropostle polo shirt, not could you please remove yourself from my vicinity? But perhaps most seriously, is this guy on my left with the painfully, awful, music taste, who is now unabashadly singing with his eyes closed along to the strums of the acoustic guitar and enjoying far too openly the soothingly rasp voice of none other than Nickelback blasting from his headphones. Stop grunting. I want to bust your f-ing face in. Perhaps one of my least favorite things about BYU is how so many people feel it socially acceptable, and are downright far too comfortable with breaking out into deep and passionate song while in the course of walking across campus, whether hymn or mainstream, full on-belting, eyes closed, feelin' it, feelin' it real hard. Second only, to the public maker-outers of course. School is such a funny institution that produces so many funny sensations. Best news of 2009 thus far: Brock bought a Technitronic cassette tape at DI for 25 cents that has produced more sweating, fist pumping action than even my shadow box class at the gym. Don’t remember Technitronic? Let me refresh your memory, Move that Body, Pump the Jam anyone? Fingers snapping, toe tapping, hand clapping, mouth rapping: rapture, sheer ecstasy I tell you. Recently my favorite apparel is a pair of leggings that I brought back from home, don’t even worry that they’re from 5th grade, gap kids circa 1998. I like old things, I like doing things to feel little again. I like particularly the amount of dancing that has exploded in the house due to the Emma Gilman factor, my acquiring a computer, and well Shakira’s new hit “She Wolf in the Closet.”
Our downstairs neighbors are becoming hoarders. She works at a pet store and every time I see her she has new dogs and is acquiring more, and their apartment smells really, really, foul but the canines are wonderful as all canines are. I’ve made peace with Freida and she is actually my favorite, ya know which one I’m talking about? The bulky little black and white one? She has this rubber pacifier that she always drops at my feet. Those dogs make me so happy. I want a dog more than anything and don’t know how much longer I can resist getting one. No-one in your life will ever love you more than a dog. True fact.
Well, wow, this is beginning to be a product of yet another mind spill. All over the place, what a disaster! Grab the bounty this mess makes absolutely no sense and will require the highest grade of absorbency to soak it up! Good thing a wet bounty paper towel can support a bowling ball. True fact, I even saw them test it once on the local news. I’m hungry. The end.Love, Madalyn Josephine Lynch
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